Heartbeat!

We got to see Baby on the ultrasound screen today and everything looks great! It was such a relief to me as I really let my anxiety run away with me the past couple of days (no, I really do have anxiety disorder and that can be totally fierce sometimes). My husband, my mom and my aunt Melanie all accompanied me into the ultrasound room (yeah, we're those people) and we got to see this fluttery, super adorable little heartbeat that, really, is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

My doctor put me at 7w5d (so I'll resume my weekly posting on Thursday when I hit 8 weeks) and I got a new due date of July 14th (you guys were right -- that date sure does flip-flop around!). We're going to stick with July 14th as Baby's due date. I like the sound of it.

I actually watched the following video an embarrassing amount of times already but I just can't help it! It really is the greatest thing that my eyes have ever seen:


And this afternoon as I sat in the bathroom hunched over the toilet in agony, I couldn't help but hum a couple of songs in my head as I waited for that here-comes-the-puke stomach turn that I've come to know so well: Baby, Baby, Can't You Hear My Heartbeat by the Herman's Hermits and I Can Feel Your Heartbeat by David Cassidy. It just adds such a festive, wonderful happiness to my being sick to my stomach.

(I'm sadly not even remotely being snarky. I think this is the actual definition of 'elated.')

8w2d

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks full of traveling for the holidays, my little sister's dance convention and -- basically -- a whole lot of feeling sicker than I ever thought possible before.

Tomorrow is my eight week OB appointment and, no lie, I'm pretty nervous. At my six week appointment, we weren't able to see much via ultrasound. Everyone -- my wonderful doctor included -- assured me not to worry and that it was still early. Easier said than done, especially with the millions of pregnancy forums out there and the ubiquitous posts from other moms-to-be insisting their doctors detected a heartbeat at 6 (or even 4-5!) weeks and anyone else should be worried otherwise. I feel so nervous that I'm grinding my teeth, pacing my house and wanting to just crawl into bed for the night even though it's not even nine o'clock yet. I can't remember the last time I've been so nervous about anything.

I know this is all part of pregnancy and that more or less is why I'm here to document it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. No tales of vomiting or incessant worrying will be spared.

My thoughts right now are 50/50: half of me pictures walking out of my doctor's office full of pure joy and happiness from seeing my baby's heartbeat. The other half of me pictures there being nothing there and trying to make myself tough enough to deal with that. After all, it was our first ever time trying to make a baby. Don't people try for months and months? Don't these things take time? Am I being totally delusional and selfish to think everything will be okay on the first go?!

My mind is a complete mess and I know nothing -- not even the kindest words from friends and relatives -- will calm me down until I'm walking out the doors of my doctor's office tomorrow and don't have to wonder "what if" anymore.

6w5d

I'm not even 7 weeks yet and pregnancy is totally kicking my ass. I'm quite convinced that I never knew the meaning of the word "fatigued" before I was pregnant. Here's what else pregnancy has been teaching me lately:

• "THE QUESTIONS." One of my co-workers who knows about my pregnancy said that I should get ready to start answering "the questions." I stared at her with a blank stare until she elaborated: "Do you plan on breastfeeding? Will you go back to work? Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" (et cetera -- these questions never end!) She was totally right. I feel like I need to carry a taperecorder with me so I can just keep pressing 'play' when "the questions" start: "Do you plan on breastfeeding?" (Yes.) "Will you go back to work?" (No.) "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" (Boy.) "Is your husband excited?" (Obviously.) And so on. And so on. And so on.
• BELLA BAND. I bought my first one today. Well, I got two: one in black, one in white. I tend to wear white undershirts outside of work and black undershirts with my work uniform, so I'll give both colors a go. It'll be a nice alternative from only wearing leggings everywhere.
• LEGGINGS. Continuing off my previous bulletin, I at first thought it'd be fun to ditch jeans for leggings when my pants started having trouble closing. The first day in leggings was great. Then I started to feel like there are only so many ways to dress up leggings so you don't look like a little girl in ballerina tights. Now I'm ready for jeans again.
• CRAVINGS. Ugh, I've seriously been craving eggs. Eggs. How disgusting and random is that? Considering I literally hated eggs pre-pregnancy (you have no idea...I couldn't even look at eggs if other people were eating them), this has been super strange to me. I demanded that my husband make me eggs for dinner last night. I've had eggs for breakfast or for lunch over the past several days. We have literally gone through a carton of eggs in a week whereas normally we end up throwing out all of the eggs that have gone bad in back of the 'fridge. It's frightening. Right now? I could totally go for some eggs. Disturbing.
• MORNING SICKNESS. This is my least favorite part. I'll take the tights and the eggs anyday over waking up to my head rocking back and forth like I'm in the middle of the ocean. Because my grogginess is so bad that I literally think my head is rocking back and forth with it when I wake up. My queasiness is so bad that I either spend my first hour awake in the bathroom or on the couch sobbing that I'm going to die. I never really die, but driving to work with an empty plastic cat litter box in the passenger seat (for puking in, of course) is getting old.
• FORGETFULNESS. I literally can't remember a damn thing. I'm absolutely worthless. At work, this could end up totally becoming a problem...but it's no picnic in everyday life, either. As an example: this morning after shampooing, I put conditioner in my hair and combed it through as per usual. I then turned the shower off and climbed out. I got dressed, got ready to go to Target and went to pull my hair up -- only to find it was filled with conditioner. I didn't rinse it out. I didn't remember to rinse out the conditioner! Like, what the hell? Though today's example is totally the worst, I'm guilty of forgetting some very basic things and I feel like I have the attention span of a teenager.

...But there are also good things. Even though I know it's too early and everyone will roll their eyes and laugh at me, we've started reading bedtime stories to baby. This has become my favorite part of the day, hands down (and not just because it means I finally get to go to sleep!).

I also love knowing that next Christmas, there will be a little baby to buy things for and take to the Christmas tree farm (you know, the Florida version) and sit on Santa's lap and do all sorts of fun things with. It makes me want to fast-forward through this Christmas and just go to the next one (and not just because I want this morning sickness/Pukefest 2010 to be over with).

And, obviously, there's the sheer excitement that manages to outweigh the nausea or fatigue or forgetfulness. It's been an interesting journey already!

Goodbye, Pants.

Today I did something super embarrassing.

I went to work with my pants undone. Not just unbuttoned, but unzipped, too. I wore leggings under my pants out of sheer terror that they'd fall straight off of me. (For the record, it came pretty close a couple of times.)

This crazy bout of bloat seemed to happen overnight. I've been feeling incredibly swollen and puffy the past couple of days, but this morning there was simply no way my pants were buttoning. It's crazy, because the damn things fit the day before. As the day wore on, they fit less and less.

(Is six weeks too early for a BellaBand?! Jesus.)

Spoiled Baby!

Baby is already super spoiled and I'm not even six weeks along yet!

Victoria (from the Adventures In Mommyhood blog and also one of my most favorite friends) sent Baby his/her first ever toys!



Victoria sent Baby a Sophie (she is so cute, seriously!) and Take Along Tunes by Baby Einstein! I've been so excited to get a little Sophie and so what a surprise it was to see one pop up in my mailbox! Thank you so, so, so much, Victoria, from both me and baby!

Then yesterday my husband brought in the mail and I saw we had a package. This one was from my friend, Emma, and her super cute son, Sam (he did the fantastic artwork on the card):



And inside the package? Baby's first book!



Guess How Much I Love You! One of the things I'm most excited about is building Baby's library. I can't think of a better first book to start off Baby's collection!

So thank you, thank you, thank you to Victoria and Emma! We appreciate it more than you have any idea!