when life makes you slow down

If you're not following me on Instagram (which apparently is my social media of choice these days), I was admitted into the hospital on Sunday morning and had to stay overnight. I've been (probably jinxing myself) saying how this pregnancy is so much easier than my pregnancy with Ethan and, in so many ways, it has been. But when this pregnancy likes to throw me completely off whack, it does it in a big, big way. I started feeling crummy on Saturday. Ethan and I came back from a birthday party and I just didn't feel good. I attributed it to the heat and me not drinking enough and after pumping myself with fluids it sort of went away. Until the middle of the night when I was so dizzy that I couldn't tell which way was up, couldn't uncross my eyes or see straight (or see anything) and did horrible things to our poor mop bucket like something out of The Exorcist. I called my OB's emergency line and they had me head into L&D which somehow morphed into a trip to the good ol' ER. The perk to having had a problematic first pregnancy in which I basically lived in the ER was that we made friends with some of the nurses and my favorite nurse happened to be on when I was taken in. It's the little things. After some Zofran and dizziness medication and IV fluids, the doctor said I was dehydrated and had both a UTI and some Vertigo-like thing going on. The dizziness didn't come back after 12 hours in the ER (though being in that MRI tube made me want to vomit -- I don't recommend that to anyone), but the doctor wanted to admit me for observation overnight. Worst case was that it would return and I would pass out or fall and while pregnant, yeah, that wouldn't be good. My uncle is also an ER physician and when he told us he agreed with the doctor, I caved and let them admit me. It was the longest I had ever been away from Ethan and that broke my heart completely. All I really wanted was to go home to my little man, not stay overnight in a hospital room. That evening, the OB who delivered Ethan stopped by my room and because I'd been fine, said he could release me. As soon as he left the room to do my discharges, the dizziness came back on a smaller scale and I thought I was going to fall down after trying to walk back to my bed from the bathroom. Figures. So the nurse spoke to another OB at my practice and that OB wanted to keep me overnight.

The good news is, the dizziness didn't return and by 4 a.m., my pressure was no longer low. But 24 hours straight of IV fluids hurts -- I don't care what the well-meaning nurses said! -- and I just missed Ethan. And sleeping from a reclined position (a no-no because of the dizziness)...but mostly Ethan. When the OB discharged me, I got a seven day twice-daily antibiotic to take home with me and the warning to not do anything or be alone until it's finished. In the event the infection was causing the dizziness, she didn't want me driving or falling while by myself or with Ethan. My issue is that any days off of work my husband takes from now on are days he will lose when the new baby arrives. The plus is my parents live five minutes away so Ethan and I get to spend the week at what we jokingly call Grandma's Daycare. I'm familiar with Grandma's Daycare. I spent the bulk of my first pregnancy in Grandma's Daycare because of the bedrest. Every morning, my husband dropped me and my bags off at my mom's and picked me up on the way home. So here we are again, but now with Ethan in tow, and hopefully only for a week. Though it was a good lesson in not over doing it.

Before I got pregnant again, this was my biggest fear. This was why I waited so long for my next baby. I didn't want to break Ethan's routine. I didn't want to end up sick or laid up in bed and trying to figure out how to juggle a toddler who doesn't understand. In my head, it went a lot worse than it actually is proving to be. For a nearly three year old who is such a stickler for routine and loses his mind when his routine is broken, Ethan has been handling this like a champ and with the resilience and grace I wish I was handling it with. There have been no tears, no confusion, no begging for our activities that I'm not currently able to do. There has been no sadness and mourning the loss of the things we once did. There's just been this little guy who happily packs up a couple matchbox cars and giddily plays the "are we there yet?" game on the way to Grandma's house. He truly does amaze me.

Of course, this week couldn't go by any slower for me. My mom is busy with other things and I'm trying to make Ethan and I as invisible as we can be. He's been watching so many episodes of Doc McStuffins that my no TV allowed! rule is turning in it's grave, but beggars can't be choosers and a week of television won't kill him. I'm just trying to survive this week and kick off next week with our anatomy scan and my OB recheck on Tuesday in which I'll hopefully be cleared back for normal life. Albeit maybe a slower pace than the one I've been trying to keep up, but normal life nonetheless. With new tot trays and swim lessons and maybe finally getting a head start on the new baby's room and Ethan's bedroom makeover. And Easter Bunny photos. And...oh, I am so not good at helplessly laying around when there's so much stuff to do.

Such is life, right?

boy or girl?

My anatomy scan is all set for the morning of April 14th! I've been hearing such an even mix of "I think it's a girl" or "I only see you with boys" that I thought it would be fun to set up a poll and see who winds up being right or wrong!

I set up a little poll below -- I would love to see your guesses! (FYI, I'm officially going with my guess of girl and my husband is guessing boy! Ethan's guess varies by day but as of today, he says he's going to have a baby sister!)

I think Baby #2 is a...
	Boy
	Girl
pollcode.com free polls

19 week bumpdate

How far along? 19w1d
Due date: August 30th, 2014
Baby is the size of a... heirloom tomato!
Baby's development of the week: Per Babycenter: Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting.
Maternity clothes? Still all bottoms, most maternity shirts. Longer regular shirts are still doing the job but not as well these days.
Sleep: I can't get enough sleep, still. I feel like I'm always tired. Nighttime sleep is okay -- it's hard to get comfortable and I wake up 2-3 times per night to pee, so that's no fun.
Best moment this week: Ethan finally got his hair cut! I've been putting it off because he's the worst at getting his hair cut, but it happened and we all survived. And he looks about 5 years older, though that part makes me sad!
Food cravings: No super must-have cravings, but salty food still sounds so much better than anything else. Especially ketchup. Which is weird and gross.
Food aversions: No real aversions.
Baby's Sex: I'm still guessing girl. My husband guesses boy. Ethan is back to guessing girl, too.
Baby's Name: Is still a secret!

And for fun, here's 19 weeks with Ethan:

diy cleanser day

I've been falling behind on our laundry. What I mean by that is, we've been getting dressed from a pile of clothes on the ottoman and eventually ran out of clean ones which prompted me to do laundry. Actually, there was a lot around the house that needed to be done. Today Ethan spent three hours at my mom's house and I was able to be a little productive in areas other than just mommying. The first thing on my agenda before tackling some cleaning and laundry was making my own cleansers. I've wanted to do this for a while and apparently so has my husband (who went out and bought the supplies but never got around to it). My three hours of toddler-free time seemed like the perfect opportunity! I got right to work cleaning the bathroom with the tub and bathroom cleanser and did a whole lot of laundry with the laundry soap. Somehow using my own soap made everything feel a lot more exciting -- though I'm sure that wears off awfully quick. For right now, it's still exciting.

I had someone ask me for the recipes I used so I wanted to share them!

• Tub & Bathroom Scouring Powder by Wellness Mama
• The Original Homemade Laundry Detergent Soap by DIY Natural


• DIY Fabric Softener by DIY Natural


• Homemade Dishwasher Detergent by Happy Money Saver

After Ethan came back home, he helped me make some of these DIY Air Fresheners by The Burlap Bag for around the house. We opted for peppermint essential oils and it was a wise choice. Everything smells minty and fresh!

Do you make your own household cleansers? Any favorite recipes?

the dashboard melted but we still have the radio

"I love you more than anything, mommy."

It's 9:30 a.m. and we've already been up for hours. We're driving to meet up with one of Ethan's friends for a playdate. "I love you more than anything, too," I say. I look up and catch a glimpse of Ethan's face in the mirror. He looks pensive and is staring out the window. "Are we there yet? Are we at Butterfly World yet?" "Almost." "What about now?" "Almost there." "I love you more than anything, mommy." "I love you more than anything, too." "We need to go to Publix. We need more hummus."

These days everything about Ethan seems so much older than the day before. Every morning he wakes up and seems taller, bigger, older. More like a child and less like a toddler. He is my trusty companion, the little hand that is always cemented into mine.

This pregnancy has left me feeling unlike myself. I used to be able to pull off a morning activity, an afternoon playdate, a before dinner park outing. These days, I feel as if all of my energy dissipates by one in the afternoon. I am learning that it's okay to have limits, that it's okay to say no if I have to. It's okay if I'm unable to plan playdates around everyone else's daycare schedule or other plans or meals out because this is just the way things have to be right now. Of course, I feel guilty. We've been spending nearly every afternoon at my mother's house where I can fall asleep without being a completely negligent parent. If Ethan has noticed me slowing down, he hasn't acknowledged a thing. Lunch and dinners at Grandma and Grandpa's house seem just as fun to him and, of course, Grandma almost always has ice cream. I entered this pregnancy terrified of these small transitional periods and how Ethan would react to them, but he hasn't seemed to notice -- or at least mind. But still I feel guilty. "Don't lift anything over 10 pounds," the doctor tells me and my heart aches for the forty pound child at home who needs me to hold him and rock him and snuggle him. And so I do, letting his hair fall across my cheek as he breathes into my neck, and then I feel guilty for not following protocol for my other baby, the one who is simply wriggles in my tummy at this point in time. It's a guilt game I've waged against myself and myself alone, but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel tired. This is also my husband's busy time at work. He gets home in the morning hours and leaves again in the morning hours and our time with him is limited to a "goodbye" before he goes into work. This is the first time that Ethan has been old enough to notice this, the change in daddy's schedule, and he's been asking questions and expressing his disapproval. "No, daddy can't be at work. Daddy has to come home. Daddy has to read stories and sing me songs!" I try to explain it as best as I know how while hoping he doesn't take it personally. Sometimes I feel like he takes it personally. Guilt, even if I'm always with him.

These days are slightly slower days. We take breaks to chug milk to alleviate heartburn. We eat pasta more than we don't. Ethan usually falls asleep for the evening in the car on the way home from Grandma's house. I stay up later than I would like nagging at myself in my head for slowing down our pace, for changing up Ethan's routines. I look at him and realize it doesn't matter. His days are full, his heart is happy, and this is still our time together.

I love it more than anything.