lost time

It's been quiet around here on the blog and it hasn't been intentional. Summer is in full swing around here. Our days are long and full and we're also in the throws of what can only be described as a time of chaos at my husband's job. It's been just me running everything around here and it shows. My husband is the organized one in the relationship (and the piles of laundry and tumbleweeds of cat hair exemplify that). I've had many posts to write but am trying to not eliminate sleep completely from my schedule so I'm letting the posts come as they're able to. As the chaos winds down around here, hopefully I'll have more time to write.

In my absence, Ethan turned four on the 22nd. Watching my baby grow into this beautiful, inquisitive little boy continues to be the greatest experience. Lately the child in him completely sweeps up any little crumbs of baby that have been left behind. At this point, I don't know if our baby having and raising days are numbered and my inability to cope with the unknown helps me to stay in the present. I am very much enjoying being a part of Ethan's present. His strong will oftentimes feels like my backbone and his laughter is like medicine to my soul on days where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Already, four has thrust me headfirst into so many scenarios where I find myself questioning if I actually do know what I'm doing and, more often than not, I decide that I don't. Deciding to redshirt Ethan in school is the first big (and socially unpopular) decision I've made as his parent; the first time I've felt like I'm swimming upstream while everyone else is headed in the opposite direction. While most of Ethan's peers will begin VPK this fall, Ethan will be headed into another round of homeschool preschool with me and I'm relieved and confident in the decision (and also secretly glad that many of his closest friends have birthdays after the cut off so he isn't entirely losing his entire realm of playmates).

Most recently, Ethan has added music class to his repertoire and is loving it with the intensity that I always knew it would. For a year he has been begging to start music classes and after trial and error, we have found ourselves the perfect fit. The bulk of our days are usually still spent in the water which remains Ethan's happy place and ensures that we usually always smell of chlorine and sunscreen and that my car typically reeks of wet towels baking in the Florida heat. You get used to the latter, I swear.

Ethan's actual birthday was spent at Lion Country Safari in West Palm Beach where he fed animals and braved the heat and showcased a new development of his four year old self: his bravery, as he hopped up on the rides without hesitation. At four, there's a solid chance Ethan will answer you back if you say hello to him and, even if he still requests my presence as he does so, he even enjoys making new playmates at the park. Most recently, Ethan spent a solid hour playing with a little girl at the park who only spoke Creole. When asked how he managed to play with someone who didn't even speak the language, Ethan sighed knowingly: "we both laughed!" I lose count of the times he makes my heart flutter with pride, with joy, with peace in knowing that he's so much more precious and beautiful than he knows.

I'm ready for four, for another year of adventure and Ethan's reassurance that I've got this. Even when it doesn't feel like it.