resolutions.

I suck at New Year's Eve. I can throw a pretty sweet party for just about any holiday. St. Patrick's Day? No problem. You bet that leprechaun will find his way to my house, leaving a trail of green footprints across my tile and even some green urine in the toilet for good measure. No detail remains undone. New Years? Meh. I'm not sure my poor children ever celebrated New Year's Eve (or day, for that matter), short of waking up and me pointing out it's now an entirely new year. Sometimes we share annoyances that businesses are closed or that the beach is crowded. Usually, we just retreat to the zoo for something to do. I don't know why I lose my party planning excitement for New Year's other than I've never been very good at staying up late, and I can't recall the last time I even stayed up until midnight. Resolutions are lame and no one ever keeps them, let's be real. So New Years? Meh. Meh all around.

This year, though, I feel a little differently. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to have my happy ass in bed at 9:00 struggling to stay awake through just one more binge-watching episode of Blackish, but I kind of get the appeal of a fresh slate. A little bit, anyway. Enough to maybe make my meh a smaller one this year than in years past.

My husband surprised Ethan with a day trip to Legoland for their New Years party and Carmen, my mom and I had a more low-key day at the (where else?) zoo. The neighbors are already getting into the spirit with noisemakers (can you see my side eye from here?) and I'm just counting down the minutes until bedtime, because that's how I do. But anyway, resolutions. I'm feeling it this year, maybe because the last few months have been such a gigantic breakthrough for me in so many ways.

I'm gifting myself the promise of self care this year because this is one area in which I routinely slack off. In the past, I've determined that self-care meant allowing myself time to wash my hair a couple of times a week or enjoying a non-rushed hot shower. I'm learning that these are just things that are kind of mandatory, and I have to give myself time for actual self-care: reading books that are piled up on my nightstand, taking myself on a date to the movies, going for coffee with friends or even extending my nightly walks a little longer so I can listen to all of John Moreland's albums twice just because I want to. I've been trying to practice this the last few weeks and I've noticed a huge difference in how much more refreshed I feel even when the big details don't really change (the laundry is still piled, the dishes are still hanging out dirtied on the counter, there aren't enough hours in the day still).

My hopes for this upcoming year? Allowing myself to feel -- truly feel -- inner peace without worrying about when or if the other shoe will drop. It's been a long road and I'm forever changed by the path I've walked, but I'm trying to keep my grip on peace because I've been waiting for it to arrive for a while. So that's a whole lot of peace, a whole lot of happiness -- and all the roadtrips my minivan can stand because seeing so much of this country with my babies has been such a place of joy this past year. Bring it on, adventure. Ready for you, 2018.

#selfie

I began this little blog as a place to keep friends and family in the know with my first pregnancy and then I sort of morphed things to fit neatly into the world of mommy blogs. (This just happens when you're a mom and kids rule everything around you.) 2014 saw a gigantic shift in my life when we lost our daughter, Wylie, and this space turned into a place to share grief and express myself at a time when life couldn't possibly get any scarier or lonelier. Because life moves in waves with tides that ebb and flow, this grief space eventually became an infertility journey. It was a journey that was ended when an adoption journey began -- and then wholeness. And healing. And trying to find my footing in a world that was different than it once was, yet still eerily the same.

This has been the part of my journey that I have kept closest to my heart, not necessarily in secret but certainly in a level of quietness that no one has come to expect from an over-sharer like me. It has been a journey of accepting things about myself that the world doesn't know how to see in me: a PTSD diagnosis, a child who will never be present on our chaotic family Target visits or cross-country roadtrips. It has been a journey in taping up the wounds that until now I'd left gaping and bleeding, trying my best to let the healing begin even though there will always be scars. And, oh, how there will always be scars.

I have been a pushover for most of my life, always saying yes and bending over backwards to accompany other people. I have taken on too much unnecessary stress and pain and hurt for the sake of friendship or not wanting to hurt anyone else's feelings. On my journey into wholeness and healing, I have forced myself to rid myself of this. I have forced myself to have enough self-respect to acknowledge my own feelings matter and that not all people fit into the place you're in, and that's okay. This is only one of many ways I have found myself stronger as time continues to go on. I am standing up for myself and being the example I want my children to see.

It's now nearly 2018 and after a year of self-discovery and reflection and changes in mind and body, I am ready to reclaim this space as my own in the form that I began this life as: a writer. Writing has saved my life and been my place of familiarity during all of the shifts life has made both with and without my consent. This is my resolution to myself in 2018, as I find my peace and let it fit comfortably all around me: find my words again.

Life has changed so much over the years and I've been struggling to hold on for so long. But I've got this now, and I feel bolder and stronger and more alive than I have in a while. This new year will be the start of a new journey, and I'm letting that not feel as scary as it would have sounded at one point. I took a different route to get here and my soul is forever scarred, tattered and changed, but I have reclaimed my life. For the first time, I feel the depth of my strength both mentally and physically.

And so hello, little blog, little space on the web for my words. I'm back. Promise.

legoland brick or treat

We just got back from a cross country road trip and, nevertheless, all Ethan could think about was Brick or Treat at Legoland Florida (his favorite place on Earth). For weeks he has been drawing the way he imagined Brick or Treat, hoping he would get a chance to meet Lego Frankstein or Lego Mummy along the way. Finally, the day we here and we woke up bright and early to drive up to Central Florida for Brick or Treat! The spooky little decorations were everywhere, which is always my personal favorite part of Legoland -- the attention to detail. Wherever you looked, there was some Halloween flair thrown in -- even in Miniland!

Upon entry, we were given a great guide to the event which included meeting times and locations for all of the Halloween Lego characters. I loved that each character was offered a few times, making it nearly impossible to miss the photo op that Ethan had been looking so forward to.

Of course, one of the best parts about Brick or Treat was the Trick or Treat Trail! The set up was super cool, but this mama's hat is off to Legoland for keeping the line moving so quickly. Everything went so smoothly that it was effortless to walk through the super spooky trick or treat trail despite the long line. Legoland is awesome that way. Each kid was given a special bag at the start of the trail and then got to walk through the trail, admiring the spooky set-up and trick or treating from the themed houses along the way.

Legoland closed off an amazing evening with a fabulous interactive fireworks show by the lake. The kids got to listen to a spooky story about a pirate and watch an incredible fireworks show -- complete with special viewing glasses that made the fireworks look like Lego bricks! Brick or Treat is a must visit event for little Lego fans. We are so grateful for the extra dose of magic it gave us this Halloween!

2017 albuquerque balloon fiesta

As I said yesterday, we've been back from our cross-country roadtrip to Albuquerque for a week now. We saw so many wonderful sights in New Mexico, the land of enchantment after all, as well as along the way...but the thing everyone asks about is the Balloon Fiesta. And for good reason: it's absolutely magical. This is our second year attending the Balloon Fiesta and I can truly say it's one of those things that never gets old. Year after year, you will still be able to find magic in every bit of the fiesta. Our favorite part is watching the sun rise over the mountains and feeling the chilly New Mexico temperatures (which Pinon coffee and hot cocoa accompanies perfectly) while the balloons get ready to take off for mass ascension. It is absolutely surreal to watch them slowly take off into the sky, floating over the mountains.

There are so many beautiful hot air balloons but our favorites are always the special shapes. This year Ethan's favorite was a rocket ship balloon as well as a penguin named Tall Steve. Carmen really loved the pink elephant balloon which was so bright and beautiful! It's always fun to pick out the usual favorites each year as well as discover new and unique balloons that we didn't see the previous year.

This year, in addition to a beautiful morning mass ascension, we also visited the Balloon Fiesta for a nighttime Glowdeo. It turns out that watching the sun go down behind the mountains is just as magical as watching the sun rise. The kids loved being able to sit in the field and have dinner, watching the balloonists get ready for the Glowdeo up close and personal. While the balloons don't fly in the evening, watching the Glowdeo is every bit as magical.

The Glowdeo kicks off with an incredible laser light show followed by a fabulous fireworks show.

No matter where you live or how many times you've been before, the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta is worth seeing. As beautiful as it is photographed and on TV (so many of our South Floridian pals were watching the fiesta on the news!), it's even more incredible in person. It's a bucket list must-do for sure.

Check out The Balloon Fiesta website for event details, scheduling and to get planning your trip!

our visit to the birmingham zoo

Last year, we only briefly passed through Birmingham on our way to New Mexico and it was enough to get me to fall in love. This year, we knew we wanted to spend a couple of days exploring beautiful Birmingham, including taking a trip to the Birmingham Zoo. We are huge fans of our local zoo, The Palm Beach Zoo, where we've been members for close to five years by now. It's always hard to imagine being impressed by another zoo the way we are with our home zoo, but the Birmingham Zoo did not disappoint. The zoo contained so much open space and so much green space. Not only did we get to walk around and explore all the zoo had to offer, but there were places to run and enjoy the fall weather. Everything was so green and beautiful!

The zoo had a lot of interactive exhibits that let you get up close to the animals, including goats and other farm animals, lorikeets and (my kids favorite) giraffes! The giraffe feeding was such a unique and cool experience. Carmen wasn't sure what to make of the giraffe, but Ethan loved it -- especially seeing the giraffes long tongues!

The Birmingham Zoo had a lot of really cool animal residents different from the ones at our zoo, including some super adorable red pandas. (I think Carmen and I loved the red pandas most of all.) Each exhibit had a ton of information to share about each animal who resided in it and the animals all had a lot of room to play, climb and explore. Many of the exhibits contained indoor and outdoor viewing areas, too. The zoo housed all kinds of unique animals, from bumble bee dart frogs to red river hogs and everything in between.

Ethan's favorite part of our zoo is the zoo train and carousel, which the Birmingham Zoo also had, much to his delight. The zoo train actually went around a great portion of the zoo and had a great pirate theme to get the kids into the Halloween spirit.

As we left the zoo, Ethan declared that even though Birmingham was just a stop on the way to our destination, it would make an amazing place to just visit on its own. I completely agree. There are so many wonderful things to see and do around Birmingham with kids and the zoo is definitely a must on that list. The zoo is perfect for adults and children alike -- anyone who appreciates nature and the amazing animals we are lucky to share this planet with.

Visit https://www.birminghamzoo.com to plan your visit!