i felt your poltergeist love like savannah heat

I have been so bad with blogging. Not because I don't have anything to say (when don't I have anything to say?) but just because I've been so tired that shortly after Ethan is in bed, I'm in bed, too. Ethan hasn't been a napper since he was around a year and a half so I lost my previous naptime productivity time. It hasn't been so bad because I've been instead getting things done once Ethan's in bed at night but then I sort of got pregnant and lost all of my energy. As exhausted as I was during my first pregnancy, I don't remember being this tired. Maybe it has something to do with chasing around a toddler all day. Okay, it very likely has something to do with chasing around a toddler all day. A sleepless, napless toddler. Anyway, throw in my pregnancy induced apathy to carrying around my actual camera and you have a recipe for a blogging disaster. Which makes me crazy because I want to do my best to document this pregnancy as much as I did with Ethan's and, of course, document this amazing, wonderful, fascinating stage of life Ethan is currently in. (Just pretend all of my photos aren't doubles from Instagram.)

I say this all of the time, but this is my favorite age. He's still a baby who needs me -- for things, for care and for general reassurance and comfort -- but he's also this big kid with these crazy ideas and beautiful imagination. I love our conversations. I love the crazy things he thinks up and laughs at, the random objects he forms bizarre attachments to (most recently it's a filthy plastic caterpillar he named Blue). He's at this age where he has these strong opinions and theories and thoughts and it's been so incredible watching his little personality develop. I'm finally starting to see bits and pieces of his shyness disappear. For the first time in, oh, ever, he said his name during circle time at My Gym and even announced his favorite animal (which was a lion, at least this week). He's slowly starting to reciprocate high-fives to the cashiers at the grocery store and not completely hide his face when a friendly stranger says hello to him out in public. He loves handing the Butterfly World employees our membership card for scanning and saying "no thank you" when they ask him if he wants his hand stamped -- because he's not that comfortable with them yet. The more he talks and the more he realizes he knows, the more his confidence is starting to grow. It's been truly amazing to watch. Some people are sad to see the newborn phase morph into toddlerhood but I honestly find myself feeling sad about this stage one day being over. It's this wonderful stage of discovery and us just being a team. I'm not doing much of anything without his help these days, be it making lunch or flushing the toilet (his favorite, though he told me he's never going to actually use the potty) or filling up a cup with water.

Ethan finished his last swim class of the last session -- the new one starts in a week -- by diving for rings at the bottom of the pool. Not the steps, but the bottom of the pool. Somehow I have this little person who sweeps past my feet at the bottom of the pool, grabs a ring and kicks his little feet back up to the top of the water. It's ridiculous how proud I am of him, how truly impressed I always feel by the things he's able to do that I never would have guessed he could do.

As long as these days are, as tired as I feel, as messy as everything seems -- my heart is so absolutely full at the end of each day that I feel as if it could burst.


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