11.10.2014

postcards from the heart of writer's block

There is so much that I've been meaning to write about but I'm tired. I'm tired and my laptop won't stay charged. I'm tired, my laptop won't stay charged and I've also hit a little bit of writer's block. I mean, there's so much I want to say but I fumble over my words and start drafts that I don't finish. "Tomorrow," I say. But tomorrow comes and by nighttime (it gets dark so early now!) I just want to sleep. Or lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling, wishing I could muster the energy to write a few entries. The want is there but the words are escaping me. Case in point: I haven't posted Ethan's Halloween Tot School activities yet. Actually, I haven't even set up new tot trays since Halloween and the guilt -- oh the guilt -- is eating me alive when I am trying to fall asleep at night. Since we worked all summer, can I call this our holiday break? Because I'm going with that.

The holidays are (almost) here and Ethan is so excited that he can't stand sleeping in fear he might miss Christmas and Hanukkah (we do both). Thankfully, this has kept us very busy. The holidays are hard this year, definitely harder than I anticipated. There are the matching Christmas pajamas that won't be worn this year as intended. There will still be one child on Santa's knee, still one child in our holiday card photos. This will equal being told hundreds of times that everything I do is easier because I only have one child which stings extra badly around the holidays, I'm realizing. Ethan keeps me busy. He is in love with the holidays just like his mom. He can spend thirty minutes in the wrapping paper aisle of Target, turning every last roll over in his hands and admiring the print. I am trying to soak it all up and take it all in as he does, letting my desire to throatpunch everyone fall to the wayside and instead focus on the way his eyes light up at the first sight of the cardboard reindeer hanging from the Target ceiling. (We go to Target a lot and I'll fight anyone who thinks that Disney World outranks Target as the happiest place on Earth, just saying.)

I'm actually throwing Ethan's holiday party this year and even looking forward to it. It's more of that "keeping busy" thing that I hold so dearly (or is necessary for my survival, you choose). Ethan is really looking forward to it and has sent several postcards to Santa requesting his attendance (and I hear he's coming -- thanks, Grandpa!) so I'm looking forward to it, too. The holidays are going to be hard, but I'm not going to let them kill me.

That's really all that's been going on over here. Forgive my absence. It's unintentional. Bear with me as I trudge through this writer's block. I promise I'm not abandoning this space and have every intention of going back to regularly blowing up your news feeds with random abreactions and rambles.

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