six week bumpdate

So, thank you to everyone for your super sweet comments and messages! I know our baby announcement came as quite a surprise considering I've been such a huge proponent of wallowing in endless confusion about having another little one. The older Ethan got, the harder it was for me to hide my sadness over him not having much family. I'm always jealous of people with big families, and siblings, and cousins, and I know I never want Ethan to have that loneliness or sadness. I want him to always have siblings he can count on, celebrate with, go through life with and be friends with. In my family, for some reason, the siblings are always spaced out by a decade or more. It's never bothered me until Ethan was born. I had always loved it, having a sister to dote on growing up who was so much younger than me, but then I grew up. And got married. And had a child. And realized the only way to get a teenage girl to want to spend any time with my son was to offer her twenty bucks and the promise of ice-cream. (And, frankly, that's a little depressing!) My husband and I both acknowledged how much we wanted Ethan to have family, to know family, to have siblings and eventually the time just felt right. I wanted them to have time together at home before the school years. The only thing holding me back personally was the fear of a pregnancy as horrible as mine with Ethan. I had nightmares about balancing preeclampsia and bedrest and a little boy who just didn't understand it all. But everyone kept telling me that every pregnancy was different and, well, we decided to go for it. And I'm glad we did. Because at just six weeks along, this pregnancy? So totally different.

Not that you can tell from the above photos (I took them on our errand running day!), but I'm feeling great. Awesome, even. Here and there I wake up and feel a little nauseous -- but only a teeny tiny bit -- but for the most part I feel nothing. The day I found out I was pregnant with this baby, I had just returned home from a five mile walk with friends. I had only taken the test because I thought my crockpot dinner smelled gross and I knew it was a stretch and I was setting myself up for disappointment only...there was no disappointment. It was positive. For weeks before I found out I was pregnant with Ethan, I was nauseous and exhausted, throwing up and thinking I had some kind of stomach bug. I had these horrible cramps that rendered me unable to do anything but lay on the couch and sob. I couldn't go anywhere, not even to work, without a vomit bucket next to me at all times. This time couldn't be more different.

With Ethan, we let the cat out of the bag at seven and a half weeks. I had just had my first ultrasound and everything was great with the baby, as far as the doctor could tell. With this one, after we saw that perfectly formed little baby on the ultrasound, I knew I had to do the same. It felt wrong not being able to type out my thoughts and the details with this pregnancy like I did for Ethan back when this blog was a secret to everyone except me. It felt wrong seeing people out in public and praying they wouldn't ask me "so, when's the next one?" (which they always did). It felt wrong seeing people out in public and not jumping up and down to tell them our good news. I understand that, yes, things could go terribly wrong -- but I also understand that if they ever did, I would be blogging about it. I would be talking about it. And, even so, I couldn't take another person telling me "it's still early, things could happen." I didn't realize how much I was absorbing the assumed negativity until we showed up at the doctor and I was prepared for her to tell me that I was wrong, there was no baby. So, I'm going with hopefulness and happiness.

How far along? Six weeks when these photos were taken but today I'm six weeks, three days.
Baby is the size of a... Lentil!
Baby's development of the week: Baby's nose, mouth and ears are forming as is the pituitary gland, brain, muscles and bones.
Maternity clothes? Nope, thank goodness, though I feel so bloated on some days that jeans feel uncomfortable.
Sleep: ...isn't a luxury in this house, with Ethan our sleepless wonder. But it's still going as good as it can!
Best moment this week: Our first doctor appointment and seeing baby on ultrasound, telling Ethan and having him insist we were having a baby brother AND baby sister, finally announcing it to the world (it's been a long couple of weeks).
Movement: None yet.
Food cravings: Mexican food, just like with Ethan. I think I could eat burritos ten times a day and not get sick of them. Strangely enough carrots as well -- I've been eating them by the bag lately. Oh, and seltzer. I can't get enough seltzer.
Food aversions: Nothing that makes me feel sick, unlike with Ethan when I had to even avoid certain aisles in the grocery store. Some things just seem unappealing, like eggs, but I don't flip out if my husband is cooking them in the morning.
Baby's Sex: I've strongly felt baby was a girl since the day I took the test. All I want is a healthy baby, but I'm pretty sure all those times I said "I only want boys!" is going to come back and bite me in the butt.
Baby's Name: We 100% have our boy name picked out and...well, I have my girl name picked out 100% but my husband isn't on board. We've been feuding over girl names since my positive pregnancy test with Ethan, so this is going to be another kick in the ass when we end up having a girl.

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