Before he fell asleep last night, I promised Ethan that today would be better. Despite my irrational fear of jinxing it, today was in fact better. Much better. I learned this morning that an extra toasted bagel helps combat the morning sickness to the point where I can at least function. Functioning usually feels a lot different than actually succeeding at life, you know, in the sense that functioning usually entails the bare minimum which excludes frivolous things like hair brushing, clean clothing and teeth brushing. Today, though, functioning felt a lot like I imagine winning the lottery would, at least after yesterday. Today I proudly got my functioning self and my overtired toddler to My Gym class. I packed us a lunch, I took us to the mall afterwards and I looked in the backseat at two thirty and he was passed out cold. I'm not a fan of naps anymore. They happen so seldom that I've learned to live without them and the fact that they're synonymous with bedtimes that rival mine in lateness. Still, I could tell Ethan's little body needed the rest. We've had a rough week. As he slept, I used the time to catch my breath and take it easy. To clear my mind and recharge a little bit before an afternoon of play. I told myself before I got pregnant that I didn't want my pregnancy to impact Ethan's life negatively, or to change the course we had become so accustomed to. That was all part of my hesitation on having another baby, the not wanting to royally screw up everything he knows.
I've also realized that I'm not immortal and sometimes I need to learn to set limits, or say no, or acknowledge when I just can't do all the things. I'm learning that it's okay for things to be too much, that it's okay to want to take it easy. This was probably a good lesson to learn, and something that should have been a long time coming, but it took this second pregnancy to get me there. Ethan is a lot less off his schedule and a lot less bonkers when I'm only attempting to do the things that are possible and realistic. And thanks to the pregnancy hormones, maybe I am, too.
Today we left our afternoon wide open. He unexpectedly napped, there were no plans to cancel because of it and I was able to recharge. We spent the latter half of the afternoon before dinner time pretending we could withstand the Florida cold front we're experiencing pretending to be birds and pirates in the backyard. We didn't get around to our grocery store trip today, but that's okay. We got around to much more than that in the long run. I am selfishly enjoying these moments where the entire world consists of only myself and Ethan. I am enjoying breathing in every moment of this feisty, spunky age he is at because everything is always changing, growing.
I'm learning taking it easy isn't so bad, that skipping out on throwing Ethan's annual Valentine's Day party is a far cry from the end of the world. I'm cherishing every moment in the now, these moments of toddlerhood and imagination that we'll never get back if we dwell through them. These days are too good to miss an ounce of, morning sickness and all. (Alright, maybe minus the morning sickness.)