3.30.2011

Since We're Being Honest...

Even through my sickest days -- those hellish ones where I lay in bed reeking of my own vomit and too dizzy or sore to even move -- I've enjoyed being pregnant. Every overly-neurotic ER trip or stretchmark has been an adventure in, you know, housing a child inside of me for the first time. Every flutter or kick, especially the ones so strong you can watch your belly bounce, have been nothing short of magical. I've been completely overjoyed "getting to know" the little boy inside my belly -- oh, and buying him things. Lots of things. So many things that his room is already packed to the brim with things.

But, since we're being honest, I've found myself awfully sad a lot.

And the reason for that sadness is because I really, really miss my husband.


Image by Debra Weisheit Photography

No, he hasn't been assigned on some far away business trip somewhere. He's quite simply just an accountant and it's simply this time of the year.

My husband hasn't had a single day off of work for five weeks straight and, out of all of those work days, he's only been home before one or two in the morning a handful of times. Most of the time I'm asleep when he gets home and still asleep when he leaves. I eat dinner by myself, read Ethan stories by myself and spend my evenings putting the TV on in the living room just to make it seem like I'm a little less by myself.

Not to be all woe-is-me, but then there are all of the "pregnancy firsts" that I had to tell him about via e-mail, like the first time I felt the baby move or a picture of the outfit someone sent us. I'd already been feeling the baby kick from the outside for a couple of weeks before my husband was able to feel it for the first time.

And then there are all of the overwhelming things that simply are no fun to do while pregnant without assistance, such as unloading the groceries from the car (which now takes at least five trips) or figuring out how to clean up the cat puke from underneath the kitchen table.

All in all, after the holidays, I started feeling sad a great deal of the time which, frankly, is no fun at all. He may live under the same roof as me, but sometimes it can be days before I so much as even catch a glimpse of my husband...and I miss him! I miss him and the annoying "ding!" of his BlackBerry while I'm trying to sleep and the way he refuses to get ready for anything until ten minutes before we're supposed to leave.

It's a confusing and frustrating thing to have the happiest time of your life also be one in which you're sad a lot of the time, but I'm trying to deal. (I say this as halfway through my composing this entry, I receive an e-mail from my husband saying he's running later than anticipated.)

Since we're being honest, it felt kind of good to get that out in the open. I feel guilty keeping the sad feelings locked up inside, like somehow they become a burden on Ethan...and he already makes me nothing but happy, no matter how hard the kicks in the bladder become and how many pairs of panties I've peed in as a result.

6 comments:

  1. I know how sad it's been for you but you're almost at the finish line with busy season and then you'll have your hubby back just like before. And he'll be there for the important things yet to come!

    I love you and as always I wish we could be keeping each other company all the time. When are the scientists going to invent teleports already!?

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  2. @Rhi: We should get on this teleportation thing. I can see it being very profitable! Haha.

    Love you, too! <3

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  3. I remember those days of not having my husband around during either pregnancies. It's hard and painful sometimes; but talking about it definately helps.

    I totally giggled at the peeing your pants, I've been there so many times with my last pregnancy! Even a sneeze or a cough would trigger a new pair of underwears.

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  4. I know how you feel girl! hang in there! Only a few more weeks!

    ReplyDelete
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