5.17.2011

& Then There Was Bed Rest.



I debated making this post yesterday but, to be honest, I haven't been able to wrap my mind around the entire incident. My mind still isn't fully there and I feel sort of trapped in some kind of fog but here it goes: as of yesterday morning, I've been put on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy. Positive-thinking friends and family members have pointed out that it's only 7 weeks (as of Thursday) and that I should enjoy this as my final time of rest and relaxation before it's gone forever. And, yes, I'm sure it's true there are worse things to do than lay in bed while being served snacks and drinks, watching Roseanne and a non-stop marathon of films on the Sundance channel. Still, though, my mind is consumed with worry. Please read "worry" as "terror" and it's a more accurate description of my current mental state.

The reason for the bed rest is because I started spilling protein in my urine. At first it was within the normal ranges -- but on the high end of normal -- and then it made it's way over to the high end in general. With words like "preeclampsia" dancing on the horizon, I'm trying my best just to stay calm. Calm and collected. Enjoying watching Detroit Rock City while eating my mom's freshly cooked pudding. However, all I can really think about are my now weekly doctor appointments, all of the monitoring in my future and the fact that all of that monitoring is to make sure there is nothing wrong with the little boy inside my belly who I have grown to love more than I could ever love anyone ever. The very notion that there is a problem, that my body is failing him, it's unsettling. Being told that this happens to many first time mothers without rhyme or reason, that there was nothing I could have done differently or nothing I can do to stop it makes me feel even more frustrated and helpless. There's nothing I can do from here. I can't just hold him and protect him and make the problems go away. I'm stuck laying in bed, trying to ignore the horror stories of others involving steroid shots and lung development and preeclampsia and uncontrollable bleeding during c-sections. I'm stuck in bed resisting the urge to Google (like I promised my wonderful doctor I would) and trying to find solace in Partridge Family reruns and carrot sticks served to me bedside by my doting mother.

I'm stuck laying in bed trying to relax but really just waiting to feel him kick or stretch or hiccup in there every single second so I can be assured that he's okay. Because, really, nothing else in the world matters at this point. Nothing at all.

While my husband works, I've "moved in" to my parents house during the daytime hours. I've planted myself in my parents bed (see photo at bottom right) while my wonderful mom runs all of my errands. She buys my cat litter, she buys our groceries, she makes impromptu stops at the maternity store to surprise me with comfortable loungewear and nursing clothing (what you see hanging in the photo at the bottom right). My mom runs around all day long between taking my sister to school, dance, tutoring and all of her other SuperMom duties and now she's added another one to the mix: taking care of me as I lay in her bed absolutely miserable.

I'm managing to write this entry now because my spirits have been lifted thanks to the love and support from my awesome friends and family. Today my good friend, Nea, stopped by to visit me. She brought me the beautiful flowers that you see in the other photos. We had lunch and she hung out in bed with me for a few hours. I was able to have a conversation and spend time with my super thoughtful friend and, really, by the time she left I felt like a whole new, happy person -- a total switch from yesterday (and this morning, even). Today my cousin, Mike, also stopped by to visit me on his way from his internship to his next job further down south. Laying in bed and this time being surrounded by visitors made all of the difference in the world.

Between friends and family, it's safe to say that I'm an extremely lucky person.

And so somehow, I suppose, I will get through this. I will dutifully remain in bed. I will dutifully attend my once-a-week doctor appointments for monitoring. And I will be brave for Ethan...because that's really all I can do at this point. Just force myself to be brave for Ethan.

8 comments:

  1. Awww so sorry that you had to go on bedrest! I had preeclampsia as well and was induced at 36 weeks because of it and everything turned out perfectly fine! =) Try not to stress, as hard as that can be!

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  2. Oh honey. Like you said, I wish we were in the same city and we could sit together and calm each other down and remind each other to breathe. You and Ethan are always in my thoughts. You've done so much to help calm me down over the past week and it means the world to me. So if you ever need to just rant about how frustrating everything is please please PLEASE feel free to e-mail me or call me or something. I know you have lots of people to be a shoulder, I'm just offering another. You can do this!!

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  3. Oh sweet Lindsay. I know you must be petrified and worried sick. Just like you are being told, try not to get yourself all stressed out because that WILL raise your blood pressure! Just know this -- millions of babies are born to mom's that deliver early (and I'm not saying that will happen to you...) and do just wonderfully!!! (I work for a physician management group that staffs 20@ of all the NICU's in the country, so I know what I am talking about!) Medicine has come a long, long way. Your baby will be just fine, even if he is born sooner than your due date. The best thing you can do for your baby is to take care of YOURSELF. He's going to need you no matter when he pops into this world. And he needs you rested, and well, and confidant that you can DO this. Yes, you can!!!

    Good luck, sweetie. I know you will be fine, and so will that little bundle of joy you are carrying!

    Lisa

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  4. i know how hard it is to keep those worrisome thoughts at bay as i am a major worrier about everything! it's awful when you're pregnant and you allow those feelings to creep in because you just can't help it.

    just know that little man will be brought into this world so so soon and this time in bed will seem so distant. it will go by quicker than you think, i bet!

    YOU CAN DO IT, LINDSEY!

    and ps- when i was sick in bed for days and days pregnant with my first i became addicted to the lifetime movie channel. haha...super cheesey, but you get sucked in and kind of forget what's going on!

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  5. I'm so sorry that you are going through this Lindsay! I know exactly how your feeling, having those feelings of not being able to protect your child anymore. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Morgan (I don't know if you remember...) but she was born 6 weeks early, 2lbs 15oz. I was given sterriod shots a week right before she was born. She today is a happy and healthy strong four year old little girl. My walking miracle! And although it was hard and very scary in the begnning, I got through it with the love and support of Dan, family and friends. I wish nothing but the best for you, Aaron and the Baby!

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