11.08.2012

breathe in, exhale.

On Sunday morning, Ethan woke up with a sniffle. Immediately, I felt devastated. As any parent to a child with restrictive airway or another respiratory ailment knows, a sniffle is hardly ever just a sniffle. I had reason for said devastation as a few hours later, the wheeze-rattle-gasp-cough was back with a vengeance. As time goes on, I almost anticipate it to be easier -- you know, out of routine, knowing what to expect -- but this is never true. It's always harder. Something about trying to restrict the activity of a precocious toddler who just wants to run instead of sit for breathing treatments every four hours just doesn't seem to be completely plausible and, yet, when these flare-ups happen, it becomes our reality.

In addition to salt therapy, pediatrician visits, new prescriptions and welcoming back the old, we've been spending each morning at the beach. Ethan hasn't had time to adjust to the time change yet and I haven't seemed to mind. I find myself up half the night anyway, listening to him wheeze over the monitor or making myself sick with worry when his cough turns into a choke that startles him out of sleep. We've been enjoying the prelude to a beautiful Florida winter on the shoreline, breathing in the salt air and letting it cleanse our systems. Despite being unwell, Ethan has been in fantastic spirits. I can't say the same for me -- it's me who has been the mess, sick with worry and tired of this whole routine, tired of the rattling and the wheezing and wishing I could be one of those mothers who sees a sniffle as just a sniffle.

Being at home has been rough. Ethan gets frustrated with the way he coughs and gasps and wheezes when he's just trying to play. He has trouble chewing his food and then swallowing it while still attempting to breathe as best that he can. Sleeping is a fight that makes me cry as much as it does him. No matter how propped his head is atop his pillow, there's still that dripping choke. It feels like sticking my fingers in Ethan's throat to yank out clumps of mucous is part of our new naptime and nighttime sleep ritual. It hasn't been fun, but these beach trips have been a bright spot in our days.

With Ethan's hand in mine, we have walked up and down the shoreline and collected shells that Ethan loves to wash the sand off of, slipping them into his pockets or my pockets or into our diaper bag before we can continue walking. We have watched the sun completely find it's place in the cerulean sky and cast a glare over the placid, calm water. There's something so beautiful about November on the beach and we have been eager to soak up this beauty.

Today has been easier, as all the days inevitably will continue to be. I am determined for our family pictures this weekend to be a success, filled with love and smiles and laughter and not a sign of the disruption that life has currently thrown us in sight. We'll get there, a day at a time, a breathing treatment at a time, finding solace in cool mornings on the sand.

16 comments:

  1. I need to get our docto write an Rex for beach therapy!!!

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  2. I just hate it when they're sick! Braden has the thick, goopy, snotty nose. Luckily he's been sleeping....okay! But it still sucks!

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    1. Totally sucks. :( I find it hard not to be bitter that Ethan just HAD to contract RSV so young...and we're still dealing with the side effects. :(

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  3. Sweetheart...!
    I hope he gets better super soon! Your little post broke my heart a little. However, I am a little jealous of your fabulous beach trips!

    Sending healthy get better hugs and love your way!
    xoxo
    Andie's Traveling Pants

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  4. So sorry he's been sick again :( Does he like smoothies? I do smoothies all year long but around this time of year when the colds begin really spreading around I try to do them with breakfast every couple of days! Packed with vitamin C....2 handfuls of fresh spinach, 1 banana, 2 handfuls mixed frozen fruit (we do peach, pineapple, strawberry, mango), 1 handful frozen blueberries, 2 TBS. flaxseed, and some OJ (or carrot juice!). This usually makes enough for the girls and I to all have a big glass. They suck it down! I really think it has helped to stave off some of the sick germs.

    Anyway, I think I've told you before my nephew had to use those nebulizers a lot when he was little and he still does occasionally but nothing like before. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Take it a day at a time, sweet mama <3

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    1. He LOVES smoothies, and I can't thank you enough for posting your recipe!!!! I've been going to Jamba Juice (on The Walk -- bring back memories?!) to get him smoothies because I don't really know how to make any and who can afford THAT constantly?! I am so excited about your smoothie recipe -- thank you! You saved the day! I'm going to get whatever we don't have at Publix tomorrow and make some.

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    2. woohoo! you're welcome!

      and yes, jamba brings back SO MANY memories! "jamba juice wednesdays" sigh....every wednesday night that was our hang. hahaaha....I miss their pumpkin smoothie so badly. We used to have one right down the road from us here but they closed it down and opened a Jimmy John's Subs in it's place!!! GAH!

      Hope your smoothies turn out! My girlies love them...Olivia especially because the blueberries turn them purple. And they really are just as good with carrot juice over OJ...I had to switch it up some because carrot juice tends to be spendy and the bottles are so small!

      Anyway...praying for your Ethan. Hope he is well on his way to feeling better this morning!

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    3. Ohhh, the pumpkin smoothie sounds so good right now! It's crazy that there's a Yogurtland in between Starbucks and Jamba now on The Walk, and it seems THAT's where all the kids hang out now. Jamba is pretty empty these days -- scary!


      Thank you so much, Rachel! I'd say today he's about 90% better. Still a little wheeze and rattle, but he's doing great! I can't wait to make your smoothies!!!! You're the best!

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  5. Ohh Lindsey. It is so hard for me when my own kiddos are sick - but Ethan's struggle brings it to a whole new level. It must be so hard and challenging. I am glad that you were able to have fun at the beach and am continuing to think of you guys. xx - Monica

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    1. Thanks so much, Monica! It's been a rough journey. I just hope everyday he's able to outgrow this all soon! :(

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  6. All the best to your little guy. I just spent portions of this early morning with my 5-year old was has the flu. So hard to see them hurting.

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    1. Oh no! Poor thing! I hope your little one is feeling better soon!

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  7. شركة كيان لنقل العفش بالرياض والمدينة المنورة وجدة ومكة والطائف والدمام تقديم لكم دليل كامل لشركات نقل العفش بالمملكة العربية السعودية

    نقل عفش شركة كيان
    دليل شركات نقل العفش
    شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة
    شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض

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