8.14.2014

and other stories in surviving toddlerhood

Ethan has been on a genuine sleep strike for most of this week, but if last night wasn't his grand finale then I am truly terrified for what is to come tonight. Sometimes when it all feels really stressful even before exhaustion is thrown into the ring and I'm about to lose my shit and collapse in tears in my closet, I instead step back and start titling my imaginary memoir in my mind. You know, take the last thing I said or did and add "...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood" to the end. Don't knock it. It's very therapeutic.

Here's where I'm at this morning:

"We Don't Race Cars In The Potty...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."
"Please Take The Cheese Out Of The Freezer...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."
"Penises Are Not For Painting...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."
"We Don't Lick Faces Like Doggies...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."
"Mommy Doesn't Have A Penis...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."
"Ice Packs Are Not Popsicles...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."
"Cats Don't Like To Wear Hats...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."
"When You're Finished With Your Plum, Don't Hide It In Your Play Kitchen...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."

And then there is my personal favorite, "Forget Sliced Bread, Thank Goodness For Drive-Thru Starbucks...and other stories in surviving toddlerhood."

Good day, friends.

2 comments:

  1. HAHAHA! ok My favorite is Mommy doesn’t have a penis..HAHAHA! This
    is too good. The other day I had to tell Dylan to stop eating his shoe and I
    stopped and thought how I never imagined those words rolling off my tongue
    before. Toddlers…they’re a big bag of fun. PS. LOVE DRIVE THRU STARBUCKS! No drive thru? Deal breaker.

    ReplyDelete
  2. There must be something in the air that's making our kids a little bat shit crazy! I'm about to lose my marbles if Presley dumps out ALL of her toys and then walks away to play in the refrigerator. Remind me again, why do we even own toys??

    ReplyDelete

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