11.29.2010

8w2d

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks full of traveling for the holidays, my little sister's dance convention and -- basically -- a whole lot of feeling sicker than I ever thought possible before.

Tomorrow is my eight week OB appointment and, no lie, I'm pretty nervous. At my six week appointment, we weren't able to see much via ultrasound. Everyone -- my wonderful doctor included -- assured me not to worry and that it was still early. Easier said than done, especially with the millions of pregnancy forums out there and the ubiquitous posts from other moms-to-be insisting their doctors detected a heartbeat at 6 (or even 4-5!) weeks and anyone else should be worried otherwise. I feel so nervous that I'm grinding my teeth, pacing my house and wanting to just crawl into bed for the night even though it's not even nine o'clock yet. I can't remember the last time I've been so nervous about anything.

I know this is all part of pregnancy and that more or less is why I'm here to document it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. No tales of vomiting or incessant worrying will be spared.

My thoughts right now are 50/50: half of me pictures walking out of my doctor's office full of pure joy and happiness from seeing my baby's heartbeat. The other half of me pictures there being nothing there and trying to make myself tough enough to deal with that. After all, it was our first ever time trying to make a baby. Don't people try for months and months? Don't these things take time? Am I being totally delusional and selfish to think everything will be okay on the first go?!

My mind is a complete mess and I know nothing -- not even the kindest words from friends and relatives -- will calm me down until I'm walking out the doors of my doctor's office tomorrow and don't have to wonder "what if" anymore.

7 comments:

  1. Even if they can't find the heartbeat tomorrow, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not be discouraged. I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes even at 8 weeks it could still be too early. Personally, when I was pregnant, I could SEE the baby on the ultrasound right away, but we couldn't find the heartbeat until I was 10 weeks along... I now, as you know, have a healthy and happy toddler :)

    I'll be keeping you in my thoughts tomorrow. Sending lots and lots of good vibes your way! <3

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  2. Everything will be fine. This is how I felt the week between my first and second ultrasounds. I was 5w4d at the first and 7 at the second. At the first, there was a sack, but nothing too exciting, which obviously scared me. At the second, we were able to not only see baby's heartbeat, but also hear baby's heartbeat.

    You've had no bleeding or anything else out of the ordinary. Kid Rock is still in there and prospering. You and Aaron will be the most amazing parents, ever. You will relax this afternoon, I promise.

    And, you're right. People try for months and months. My husband and I tried for fourteen months to get pregnant. When I saw the positive on our test, I took two more, since I couldn't believe my eyes. I still can't believe it. I feel like I'm going to wake up and it is all going to be a long, cruel dream.

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