12.28.2012

whispers, silhouettes and pictures

My sweet Ethan, you are asleep in your bed as I write this, dressed in mismatched pajamas, laying on your back with your right hand holding your hair. This is how you sleep most often now, always your right hand tucked into a lock of your messy, unruly golden waves. Despite the fact you're soundly sleeping just a few doors down a short hallway from where I sit, I see you everywhere. I see you in the stack of books piled up high next to the soft spot on the couch where we sit to read them, in the Curious George books tucked into the cushions. I see you in your pair of shoes you've ever so neatly arranged on top of your ride-on toy before you went to bed, preparing the scene for tomorrow morning's early bout of play. I can almost hear the pitter-patter of your feet running across the tile, your belly laughter erupting as you push your ride-on toy by the handles and watch your shoes fly off. This happens every morning, before or after breakfast depending on how hungry you are when you first roll out of bed.

These quiet nights belong to us and I feel like you know it, that you know how lonely I am when your daddy is still at work and the clock says it's almost tomorrow. These nights happen more than they don't these days and it's hard to keep my heart from weighing down when the nighttime falls and all becomes quiet, noisy silence ringing in my ears over the tune of your lullabies playing over the monitor. You keep the joy in my days, the surprise, the laughter, the life, the love -- all of it. When it's quiet at night, I sit in bed and I miss you, miss your laughter, miss the way you sputter out words as if all the vowels and consonants taste funny as they exit your lips. My sweet little boy, you're everywhere. You never let me feel alone, you never let me feel lonely, you never let me feel sad even when you don't realize it, even when you don't understand the magic in the way you shout mo-mee and throw your arms out towards me. These days I am not always mama but mo-mee, your own way of trying to master mommy and tripping over the intricacies of the word.

This morning we saw your doctor for your 18 month well visit. You checked out beautifully at 30 pounds on the dot and 33 and a half inches tall. We said our goodbyes and your doctor reminded us that this was it, that we wouldn't be back for any more well visits until you were two. It was a strange feeling -- initial sinking meeting nostalgia turned to pride -- to realize that you were too old for baby well-visits and weigh-ins and check-ups and now we had it down, you and I, we made it through the initial chaos of being born and finding our way.

In six months you will be two and I know this to be true not only because of the calendar but because of the little boy you're becoming, the way you know exactly what I'm thinking even before I say it, the way you shout "hand" and hold your hand up above your head for me to hold when we're in the car.

I'll be here to hold your hand forever, my sweet little one. You can always count on that.

18 comments:

  1. Your post made me tear up. I have a 19 month old and he is growing like a weed. I will miss these "baby" moments so much.

    Your son is adorable!

    Amanda
    The Pretty Pinhead

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it crazy how quickly the time flies and how fast the "baby" moments leave?! :(

      Thank you!

      Delete
  2. Beautifully written and so nice that he'll always have this as a memory from you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Such a cute blog! Ethan is adorable! Found you through Aloha blog hop. Now following you on Google+! If you have a moment to stop by my new blog and follow back that would be wonderful! You can find me at http://dysfunctionsjunction.com
    Thanks!
    Katie

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is why I love blogging - such a detailed post you'll cherish a lot in the future! Braden loves those George books too!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Relocate bike in Dehradun
    In case you are taking into consideration transporting motorcycle from one city or place to each other with none harm then it's far very critical to lease low value and dependable packers and movers. Transtech Packers and Movers provide numerous offerings like motorbike transportation offerings, circle of relatives transferring, and office relocation and so forth. And to avoid any form of mishap we strive to deliver gadgets or motorbike in exceptional condition and with maximum protection with the aid of the usage of three layers packaging in motorcycles. It presents offerings in numerous cities like Ghaziabad, New Delhi, Rishikesh, Noida, Dehradun, Chennai, Mumbai, and Pune and so on.
    http://www.transtechpackersandmovers.com/bike-transportation-services.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. I thank you for the information and articles you provided

    ReplyDelete
  7. Our client can choose any of them as per their convenient. We are also open to send our angels any other place of your choice. Escorts Service in Dwarka are waiting eagerly to meet you. You need to decide whether you want to meet them at home or at any hotel. If you are facing any challenges in arranging any place, let me inform you that we have tie-ups with 3 start hotels as well as 5 start hotels. Check our other services...
    Escorts Service in Dwarka
    Escorts Service in Dwarka
    Escorts Service in Dwarka
    Escorts Service in Faridabad
    Escorts Service in Faridabad
    Escorts Service in Faridabad
    Escorts Service in Faridabad

    ReplyDelete
  8. As you're about to hear, Haspel is deeply respected among her peers. But as Coach Outlet Clearance Sale you'll also hear, her appointment is raising questions about whether MK Outlet Store the spy agency has fully closed a dark chapter in its history. Here's NPR's Mary Louise Kelly.. In 2009, Congress set up the Military Leadership Diversity Commission to evaluate the Michael Kors Outlet Online Coach Outlet Online Coach Purses On Clearance combat exclusion policy and determine whether it should be reversed. The group is made up of Michael Kors Bags Outlet high ranking former and current military officials. They've been meeting regularly for more than a year, and at times, the debate has gotten heated..

    CALGARY Construction at Suncor Energy Inc. New $17 billion Fort Hills oilsands project is still going on as crews try to finish on time and produce the facility first barrel of oil by the end of December.continue to Nike Air Force 1 Cheap Outlet have excellent progress at Fort Coach Outlet Clearance Sale Hills, Suncor spokesperson Sneh Seetal said, adding that construction crews on the site north of Fort McMurray, Alta., are supporting commissioning activities. Last part of the plant to be commissioned is the extraction facility, which processes bitumen froth into bitumen.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...