a letter to my lovebug, thirteen months

Dear Ethan,

As your mother, it is my greatest goal to shield you from any kind of hurt or pain. It is a noble goal to have but it is also completely unrealistic. I know this but yet I still remained poised and determined to keep you from knowing sadness. I remember being a teenager, curled up under my covers atop a pillow soaked with tears, crying so hard that it hurt to catch my breath. My mother sat in bed with me and touched my hair and told me softly that whenever I hurt, she hurt one hundred times more. I didn't understand this then, how my mother could possibly hurt worse than I did in that very moment, crying so hard that my lungs felt as if they were on fire. I understand it now. I understood it the moment the doctors pulled you out of my own body and brought you into the outside world. I understood it immediately, the desire to to protect you from all the ugliness in this world.

I feel honored that I get to raise you, to teach you how to love with a pure, whole heart. I feel honored to be your mother, to show you the intricacies of the world and human spirit. Love will always prevail, even when it doesn't seem like it can possibly win. It always does. I know that you will learn to treat others with respect and fairness. I know that you won't see or judge those around you by skin color or sexuality or religious beliefs, but by what is in their heart. I know that you will grow up to have pride in yourself, to know at the end of the day that you were true to yourself and your heart. I know that you will be respectful in love, knowing that a relationship is comprised of two equal beings. I know that you will grow to believe that 'superiority' is a myth and there is never one 'right' way to think. I know that you will challenge yourself to see outside what it safe and secure and familiar, to confidently go explore the greyscale. I know that you will always take the high road, even when it is hard. I know that you will not sit idly by and let someone hurt without offering compassion. Speaking of compassion, I know that it will course through your veins...and so will conviction.

Last night at nearly ten o'clock, your aunt Megan and I watched a teenage boy pull over his car in front of a crowded movie theater and help baby ducklings and their mother safely cross the street. Ethan, I know that you will respect and love all creatures above pride. I know that one day you will be a hero to so many turtles placed safely on the other side of the road, birds with broken wings, stray cats looking for a cool drink of clean water. I know that you will know that all lives have the ability to feel. I know, even as you sleep so soundly at thirteen months old, that you will always make me proud. I will love whoever loves you, whatever you love, whoever you are in your heart of hearts. And I hope you know that I will always be by your side to cheer you on, to root for you, to help you realize even when you forget that you will never be alone.

I also know that there is a lot of negativity in the world. There are people who like to hurt, to mame, to call people cruel names and inflict them with their toxic unhappiness. I can teach you a lot of things, Ethan, but I can never teach you why people like this exist with the sole purpose to hurt. I will never understand this myself. How, in a beautiful world, there is so much ugliness. These people, my mother used to tell me, are more to be pitied than scorned. They are filled with such ugliness and negativity that their minds can't experience all that yours can. Their hearts are too sullied to love unconditionally and with their full potential. Sometimes you will hear people hurt others on purpose, trying to bring forth tears or cause pain and disruption in their lives for seemingly no reason. I will never be able to tell you why these people are like this, but I will tell you to never let it slow you down. Never let it get in the way of the path that you choose. Never let them into your heart; keep it shielded from their hurtful hands. Love, my beautiful baby boy, will always prevail.


And I will always love you so much.



  1. I am a new follower from the Florida Bloggers link up, would love to have you stop by http://xsurvivingmotherhoodx.blogspot.com/

  2. i would have cried seeing a teenage buy do that! so sweet! your Ethan is adorable!

    Hope you have a great week! Drop by nichollvincent.blogspot.com and say hello!

  3. Oh my goodness...I adore your blog! Your layout and your letters are super adorable!
    Your letter to Ethan has truly touched my heart. He is so lucky to have a mom like you.

    Andie's Traveling Pants

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  6. This was beautiful! Your way with words is unreal! You have definitely inspired me to start writing letters to Gage =)

  7. So sweet! I totally use the same pet name for my boys "love bug" Newest follower from the FL linkup! We are from central florida!


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