another sun soaked season fades away

A portrait of mommy

It's officially the season of chaos for my family. It's one of (far, far too) many "busy times" for my husband at work which results in him working nearly around the clock six days a week without much time for sleep or, more importantly, Ethan time. I always wondered how these busy times would affect Ethan once he was old enough to understand that his daddy wasn't around very much and now instead of wondering it, I am living it. "But it's dark outside so daddy needs to come home now." "I miss my daddy." "I don't want to do it without my daddy." I'm never sure what to say because in all my wondering, I never perfected the perfect speech. I stick with the truth, which is that daddy has so much work to do at work right now and it's not because he doesn't want to be home, but because he has to do all of his work. This gets me nowhere. "But I don't want him to."

As a result, I've been dealing with a little more sulking, a little more moodiness and, my least favorite, the occasional try-not-to-cry pout from the backseat. This is one of times I also feel the burden that a small family is. As he makes his way down the already small list of relatives he wants to play with, I have to explain to him that he's been turned down (again and again). As far as being Ethan's mom is concerned, this is all proving to be the hardest part of parenting him for me, so far. I miss the cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents who are ready and willing to play that he doesn't have, that I don't have. It's always just the two of us and while we make an awesome team ("we are so good at teamwork, mommy"), I can't help but feel sad when he points out the other children at the park or My Gym who have aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents with them. I feel too guilty to even be sad that my novelty is wearing off.

In addition to my husband's busy schedule, now begins the holiday season for us. I mean, I'm already making Halloween costumes for the myriad of Halloween parties and events I'm sure Ethan and I will be attending. And after we spend all of October celebrating Halloween, it's time for Thanksgiving and Hanukkah and Christmas. This year, Hanukkah ends on Christmas Eve so it's sort of perfect.

Anyway, yes, the chaos. Our dining room table has once again turned into a crafting station. There is glitter everywhere and hot glue webs and felt and duct tape -- oh, my beloved duct tape -- and then the Blogathon prizes have begun arriving, so there are boxes stacked on the chairs. Everyone sort of goes into Survival Mode around here this time of year and, unfortunately, this house and it's order are the least of my priorities. It only makes sense that I would take on more commitments in a time of chaos -- which, of course, is my special way of saying there is a new side project in the works. Because that's what my life is lacking, right? Is this where I put some quotes around the words "spare time" because it's so obviously laughable?

I thrive in chaos.

I guess that's a good thing.


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