8.05.2013

is it possible to put this night to tune and move it to you

This past Saturday was the Blogathon and that meant I was sitting at my computer and blogging for 24 hours straight, for the sake of charity. I was surprised at how well I did without crying from exhaustion like I was by four in the morning last year. I was hanging on pretty glamorously until around six-thirty or seven in the morning this year when suddenly the light peeking in from the windows made me want to just curl up in a ball and pass out (but I didn't!). I attribute it to the fact that Ethan is finally sleeping these days so we're not as sleep deprived as we were last year when the idea of losing anymore sleep was a total tragedy (and Ethan and I were both sick). This year, I raised just shy of $1,000 for the Global Links "Breathe Hope" nebulizer collection and got to raffle off a ton of sweet prizes to my generous donors, so it was a huge success all-around. (Plus, my friend brought me Moe's for lunch. I could gladly live at Moe's.) After a quick four hour power nap Sunday after my 24 hour blogging stint, I still felt a little out of sorts for the duration of the day and evening and passed out kind of early. It was nice to be back in our regular routine today, although it was so brutally hot outside that Ethan and I were both covered in sweat, glistening and miserable, after fifteen minutes walking around our favorite nature center. We had initially intended to follow this trip up with a park visit but we both agreed it was too, too hot. Instead, we spent a huge chunk of the day making art and when Ethan was finally ready to put the paintbrushes away for the day, we spent the late afternoon at a local water park and stayed until closing time. Of course, it's already just eight o'clock and my eyes are already closing, but I can acknowledge that I'm not as young as I used to be. That's a given.

I've always had issues with letting go and sitting back to soak in the moment, the now; this is something I've discussed often around here. Lately I've felt extra fidgety and in need to keep busy, stay busy, do, do, do, do. Even in my sleep deprived post-Blogathon stupor, I've found my mind unable to rest when my body is waving the white flag of surrender. I go through these periods of contemplation and deep thought every so often and I'm in the thick of one right now, the place I go to when my husband tells me I'm overanalyzing everything again but I can't help it because sometimes, really, everything is just screaming desperately to be analyzed, or thought about at the very minimum. A place where I frustrate myself when my productivity doesn't match the to-do list my mind has set for itself, for our day, for our life and home and all-around everything. Sometimes just being and good enough doesn't seem challenging enough; not as challenging, anyway, as making changes and doing things and tackling the unanswered questions, one by one. I'm always up for a challenge, apparently. I wish my mind could be as lazy as my body is, at least right now in it's current tattered state of trying to catch up on missed sleep.

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