thinking of you is like waking up to the sunrise

For months I've been whining and complaining about the brutal South Florida heat, which feels even more brutal than usual when you're trying to entertain a toddler with asthma who just wants to run around outside at the park. For months I've been anticipating the days where it's at least mildly pleasant outside, enough to not feel like your insides are imploding at the very least, and it seems finally the days are here. At least in the late afternoon hours, once four o'clock hits. Before and after dinnertime, Ethan and I have been escaping the confines of this house which is still not redecorated or put together (in the slightest) since we moved back in. Our backyard, the park, it doesn't matter, so long as we're outside and able to enjoy the subtle breeze that means fall has arrived in South Florida. This is my favorite time of year.

I found out I was pregnant with Ethan a couple of days before Halloween in 2010 and the month of October has felt like magic ever since. It's like fall and Halloween just took on some extra special, magical meaning since I had Ethan; something about parties and costumes and farmer's markets and just happiness. Unfortunately for my all pumpkin everything buzz, this is also my husband's busy time at work. This means we play the note-on-the-counter game as a method of communication most nights because we are fast asleep by the time he comes home. It means weekends have gone from family time to just another day (and night) at work. It means my to-do list is so long that it gives me an anxiety attack to even think about so I try to close my eyes and ignore the piles of toys and clutter swallowing my living room floor, or the fact that none of our laundry has been put away since we've moved back into our house, or the fact that my e-mail inbox is exploding and I've never been so behind in Tot School planning ever. Sometimes it's easier just to step outside, shut the door and...breathe.

We've been doing a lot of breathing. We've been doing a lot of pushing back bedtime for the sake of sliding down the big slide just one more time. Somehow, for the most part, I've managed to ignore the toys, or the laundry, or the fact that there is anything else needing to be done at all.