and now we wait.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me e-mails to check up on Ethan regarding my last entry. We had our consultation with a fabulous pediatric gastroenterologist who did a frighteningly good job at answering all of my meandering, unsure, obnoxiously hypothetical questions (and my decent ones, too). I knew this moment would one day come ever since my husband was diagnosed shortly after our wedding, but it never actually seemed like a real or relevant possibility until the day I was writing Ethan's name on the sign-in sheet at the gastroenterologist's office.

The consultation with the doctor was the easy part. Today we had to report to a laboratory to have his blood drawn for some determining bloodtests and genetic testing. I brought along Ethan's favorite monkey -- whom we've taken to calling 'Monkichi' -- in hopes it would be enough to make him smile or forget that he was being poked with needles. It was an epic failure. The moment I saw the horror on his face and the out-of-breath screaming that began once the needle slipped into his vein, I lost it completely. I had to fall to pieces outside the door while my husband tried to calm Ethan as we wailed. No, that's not a typo. I meant the we.

The phlebotomist gave Ethan a bit of a break to drink some milk and get something in his tummy before continuing the bloodwork. He managed to completely cover every last inch of himself in banana, but I let him go for it. This kid? He is a champ and filled with more bravery than what exists within my adult self. If he wants to have his hair matted down with remnants of banana, so be it. If he wants to get banana in his bellybutton, up his nose, in his ear, he's got it.

And now comes the waiting. The chilling silence whenever the phone isn't ringing, the obsessive checking of the calendar to see when it's been approximately one business week. I'm trying to let the possibilities slip through the crevices until I need to dig them up but it's so very hard to not just wonder. It's so very hard to shut your mind off and cleanse yourself of the nagging pangs of worry that can coarse so pungently through your body.

So we will wait, and life will go on regardless of the outcome or in the meantime.

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  1. I really hope you get positive results. It's so hard to watch your baby in pain. I cried so hard when Henry had his blood drawn and I dread having it rechecked at his 12 month appointment.

  2. OOOO!! I would have been wailing too! It is SO hard to take your baby to the doctor and endure these moments of pain. We've just got to remember it's going to help them!!

    ps. I LOVE the new look around here, and thanks for adding my button to you favorite blogs page :) Hope y'all can get some rest this weekend!

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