the phone call.

This afternoon, I willed myself to make the phone call. That's how I've been referring to it for the past few weeks, as if not acknowledging who I'm calling or why would make the situation completely irrelevant.

What I mean to say is, today I called Ethan's pediatric gastroenterologist to set up an appointment for his Celiac disease testing. What I'm wanting to say but am trying not to focus on is that I'm really nervous.

My husband was diagnosed with Celiac disease on a whim in late 2009. It was found during a routine bloodtest and confirmed through an endoscopy soon after. What made the surprise most of a shock is that he was completely asymptomatic. The thought that Celiac disease could sneak it's way into the lives of my children has always been in the back of my mind and one of those proverbial bridges that I knew I'd have to cross when I came to it.

Well, I've come to that bridge and I am so not ready to cross it.

I know at home, we maintain a gluten-free household and there would be no major issues for Ethan to adapt to. Eating at restaurants would be difficult, but we don't really do that too often. Still, I imagine the additional struggles involved with a child who suffers from Celiac disease: no birthday cake at birthday parties, having to bring special snacks to classroom parties, never being able to just order a pizza at a sleepover with friends, suffering from ridiculous amounts of stomach pain for snacking on a pretzel or two that a classmate brought in their lunchbox -- these scenarios and others run through my brain until my own stomach turns and I put off the phone call another day.

...But today, today I made the call. I set up an appointment for Ethan. They had an opening this Wednesday with the best pediatric gastroenterologist imaginable. Wednesday just seems so soon. The appointment was confirmed, my insurance information was given and the receptionist wished me a nice day and we ended the telephone call. For a minute, I sat and listened to the silence permeating through our house as Ethan napped. As if on cue, he woke up moments later, smiling up at me from his crib.

I know whatever happens, it will be okay. I know whatever happens, I am his mom and I will find the strength to not just carry on, but be the first face he sees when he wakes up and meet his laughter with laughter for all days to come. Making that phone call and then swooping up my giggling son to be my dance partner in our living room dance party was my first display of strength that I never knew I had. I'll be breathing deeply this Wednesday and calling on that strength some more as our two o'clock appointment comes even closer into view. I want to say I don't know if I can do this, but then I look into Ethan's smiling face and I know that I can. And that, whatever happens, it really will be okay.

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  1. Good for you for facing the fear and jumping into it. I'm sure that was really hard, but I'm sure in the long run, it will all turn out for the best. Keeping little Ethan in my prayers for the best possible outcome!

  2. that is the best way to look at it and the best way to go about it! GO YOU!!

  3. My little boy is allergic to all dairy. I'm sure you have found out that there are tons of recipes and places out there for substitutes(even birthday cakes!) It is not fun, but I love your positive attitude! Good luck!

  4. Wishing you the best of luck! I know it's hard and I am keeping you all in my prayers!


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