hold me still, bury my heart next to yours

This afternoon, we had to escape the confines of our germ-ridden house. The walls were closing in on us, all of us starting to feel itchy and uncomfortable like being trapped indoors will make you feel. After days of sickness and suffering, we needed out and fresh air and cleansing breaths through our lungs. Naturally, it was off to the beach to soak up the cool breeze from the spot where Ethan always chooses to sit, where the dry sand meets the shoreline. Once we arrived, we were greeted by wind and waves larger than Ethan was used to seeing. The waves left small pools of saltwater and piles of frothy sea foam up and down the shore that we sank our toes into and splashed in, watching the water run up against our ankles. The wind was loud and boisterous but for people who had not felt the beauty of the sunlight on their skin in days, it was perfect.

Today I would believe someone if they told me that it was fall, a welcomed break to the unrelenting summertime. Today the wind blew strong and the sun felt nice and light. Today I felt like there was an end to all of this, this mess of viruses and starchy diets and stir-craziness. Watching Ethan walk by, unsure of his footing as he struggled to stay upright against the joined forces of wind and sand, I felt the promise that life would become normal again soon and the cans of Lysol could hide out under the cabinets for a little and, instead, we could break out the laughter and learning again.

Ethan crunched on grains of sand and began to whine, trying to hold down his windswept hair. This was our sign it was time for home, time for bedtime, time for solely liquids or applesauce and hopes for no upset tummies in the middle of the night. Home just feels stressful tonight. Meal planning for this upcoming week feels like a jinx and I think I feel defeated. Defeated by this virus that wiped us out completely these past few days, defeated by the laundry pile I sorted through for an hour and yet still looks as if it hasn't been touched, defeated by so much and yet having so little time. Or energy. Or motivation.

I think I could have stayed at the beach all night.


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